Relief

Steve has a job.

Even now as I write this it still feels unreal.  We heard last Monday that they wanted him, but neither of us wanted to talk about it, or believe it until the contract was signed.  When he told me about it I asked how certain it was, and he replied 95%.  My response to that was I wouldn't even begin to allow myself to feel any relief, until it was confirmed, because for the last 18 months we seem to have been in that shitty 5%. 

But it is confirmed, contract signed and the sense of relief I feel, well I cannot really describe it. 

I feel a lightness, as if something was physically weighing me down, was sitting on my shoulders.  And  now it has just evaporated.

There are some drawbacks; it is only a 9 month contract and it is away from home so Steve has to leave the house at 6pm on Sunday night and not get back till 8pm Friday.  But we can live with these because we can pay the mortgage!  It takes pressure off me to find work as soon as possible and allows me to perhaps study something in term two to increase my chances of getting a job that I actually want and not just a job to pay bills. 

It sucks for family life, obviously.  Having had him at home for the last 18 months, to suddenly have him gone, has the boys and I bit bereft.  And I think Steve finds it all a bit lonely.  But we will persevere, and we will get through it, just like we have the last 18 months of adversity.