But nonetheless, being sole parent and singly responsible for all household tasks makes for a long day, and so I've been in bed by about 9:30 most days... which doesn't leave very much time for self indulgent things, like keeping up to date with my blog! Ha - except for last night where it was closer to 11pm after an appalling day trying to get my CV together, but that is also a post for another time.
The primary reason for this post is that it is my lovely Mom's birthday, and it is one of the big ones - her 70th to be precise. I wish I could be there to share in her special day with her, and to help celebrate at The Silver Tree in Kirstenbosch on Saturday. I know Mom finds the absence of her daughters hard to bear at the best of times, but that at certain times; birthdays, Christmas, the anniversary of my Dad's death (24th of January, just gone by) that the Lara and Tanya shaped holes where we should be, are more noticeable and more painful.
I'm so sorry Mom. I wish that the universe had unfolded differently. That our family was not scattered across the globe. That our reunions were more frequent. That our brief times together were nothing but bright, shining beacons punctuating the darkness of our long separation, instead of being beset by the niggles and arguments of human frailty. I wish that it was more like you'd imagined it would be in your retirement. I wish, oh how I wish that Dad was still with us.
But it is not so. And we must stand, shoulders back, heads high accepting the consequences of our actions and the intricate patterns of the universe as it unfolds around us. But I am so deeply sorry for the hurt that my choices cause you.
I hope your birthday is wonderful. That your lovely sisters spoil you. That your party on Saturday is great fun. I will be thinking about you.
I love you.
