Just call me citizen...

Wednesday the 29th of September dawned crisp and clear, the perfect day for my long awaited citizenship ceremony.  Actually, that's a complete fib, it was a miserable, grey day pouring with rain!  But, it dawned none the less.  I was surprisingly, very nervous.  I spent some time dithering about what to wear and faffing about hair and makeup, and then spent a lot more time trying to reign in Tom!  He was reluctant to go out, reluctant to go for a wee and adamant he would not put shoes on.  Then spent some time putting my hair to rights after pulling it out in frustration!  The plan was to meet Steve at Wallsend Civic Hall at about 1:30, so he could take charge of Tom and I could take my seat amongst 40 other wannabes.  We waited, and waited and waited.  I rang him up to find out where he was.  No answer.  The rain continued to pour down.  Guests and citizens streamed past.  I started to become anxious.  I rang him again.  Still no answer.  Eeeek.   I was supposed to be sitting by 1:45.  I started to panic and also started to worry about Steve.  I knew he was in Wallsend, he had rung and told me that he was there and was going to grab some lunch on his way to the hall, before I even left home.  Finally he answered his phone, he was lost!!  Someone had sent him in the wrong direction, and then when he had realised it was wrong someone else had sent him to another wrong direction!!  And all of this in the relentless rain.  Eventually Tom and I saw him walking through the trees, sodden, absolutely soaked to the skin!  We rushed in, I got shown to my seat and shortly after the ceremony began.
We were welcomed by Moira Greenwood, the Deputy Registrar, had a song from St Bernadette's Primary School (Weel May the Keel Row) and then a speech by Councillor Duncan McLellan, The Chairman of the Council.  After that we all had to swear allegiance, and then one by one go and collect our certificates and shake hands with the Chairman.  This is what I had to say:
    
        I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm that on becoming a British Citizen, I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the second, her Heirs and Successors, according to law.
       I will give my loyalty to the United Kingdom and respect its rights and freedoms.  I will uphold its democratic values.  I will observe its laws faithfully and fulfil my duties and obligations as a British Citizen.

Then we were congratulated and all stood to sing the National Anthem - I will confess that I did feel a bit emotional at this juncture!!  Another speech as Deputy Lieutenant Gordon (The Queen's representative) said some nice things, the Councillor made some closing remarks, we had another song from the choir, and that, as they say, was that!!  Done deal. Citizen Card!!! 


Tom was remarkably well behaved - so was his dad ;-)  We had some light refreshments and then all went on our way, clutching our commemorative gifts (a pen inscribed with     the words North Tyneside Council - it doesn't work!!!), information about how to apply for your passport and a leaflet about fire safety!!!!

The importance of friends

I have had moments recently of really needing my friends, both for practical things and for emotional support.  It has made me think about all the wonderful women in my life, and the different roles they play in my life.  Friendship is one of those funny things.  I have realised late in life that friendship, particulalry friendship with women, is extraordinarily important to me.  When I first lived in England I found it very hard to make friends with women and so entered a phase where most of my friends were blokes: Caspar, Eric, Alistair, Dameon, Bob, Ben... and some of them are still in my life and the lovely, gorgeous men folk they always were.  So there I was living in Chesham with Steve with my established (if small) network of friends and then we moved!  All the way to the top of England, to Newcastle upon Tyne, a place about which I knew nothing, and nobody.  It was okay to begin with, I had some money saved and decided to take a month off before I started looking for work.  A chance to explore the city and get to know something about it.  We were living in a rented flat on the Quayside, which was a fantastic place to live, right in the middle of the thriving Newcastle nightlife.  I loved the city and the Gothamesque narrow twisty steps, dingy back lanes and architecture.  I found the geordies very friendly and welcoming, but very hard to get close to.  When I started looking for work, I was surprised to discover that my many talents where NOT in demand!  There were no employers beating a path to my door.  I rang up, I sent out CVs, I scoured newspapers and the internet.  Nowt.  And it started to get me down. I was alone in the flat all day, Steve was working hard, long hours getting himself established in his new job, no one wanted to hire me,I had no money and I had no friends.  It was awful and I was miserable.  I spent more and more time sleeping, finding a kind of peace in the oblivion of sleep.  One day I had to see my GP about something or the other, and she asked me how I was.  I opened my mouth to say "fine, thank you" and no words came out... but tears did. I sobbed and snotted a long while before I was able to get some words out, and when I finally did, the words were "I am so lonely."

Meet my carpet :-P

My gorgeous carpet arrived today and I LOVE IT!!  Now I know that it is a bit sad to be so excited about something as banal as a carpet, but I can't tell you how often I have been back up there, slipped my shoes off, and just buried my feet in the luxuriousness!!!  When I was hoovering up all the bits after the boys were in bed, and I was on my hands and knees getting all the bits out from under the bed, I just had to have a little lie down and roll around on the softness!!!  Ha ha, I did laugh at my silliness, and am still chuckling at my childishness now.  Alright, it's ivory, which is probably not the best choice in a house with two small boys... but I am very happy :-D

Hard labour

I am feeling quite empowered today, and also feel that reassuring, that inexplicable sense of belonging.  Steve has had to be away again this week, tuesday and wednesday night.  It was unavoidable, but the timing was lousy and left me having to do some serious juggling.  Tuesday night was Beavers night for Sam, it starts at 6:15 and then he needs picking up at 7:15 (it was only his second time, but he is loving it).  Tom is usually in the bath at 6:15 and asleep by 7:15 - you can see the dilemma right there.  The first part was solved by  Sam going to a friend's house after school, and then they took him along to Beaver's.  I knew I would have to pick all the kids up, and was dreading having to drag a very tired, bad tempered Tom along, and was having a moan about it to my friend, and neighbour, Claire.  Who wonderfully and magnificently leapt into the breach and offered to come to my house, bringing her two kids with, and stay with sleeping Tom. 

I had even more cause to be grateful to Claire and her kids tonight, because once again she came to help me out.  I had a long standing appointment at the diabetic clinic at 18:20 which I really didn't want to postphone, but neither did I want to lug the kids up there at that timeof day.  So she came to babysit again.  Claire, I am massively in your debt!!  Having a neighbour who is also a good friend, is something you just cannot underestimate value of.  It was not only Claire who offered help, other friends also put themselves forwards, as did the parents of some of  Sam's friends.  It was all these people who added to my sense of belonging.  I was needy, and wonderful people answered my need.

I am empowered today because I've been doing me some man's work! ;-) Okay, it's not really man's work, but in my head it was work that Steve was going to do, with me as the lovely assistant!  We are having a new bedroom carpet being delivered on thursday afternoon, which I am HUGELY excited about. But in order to have the new carpet fitted, the old one has got be 'uplifted' (as they call it, makes me slightly jealous, I want to be uplifted too!), and as Steve is away, it was all down to me! I will admit that I was rather irked that little ol me was going to have haul up the massive carpet ( the reason we are getting a new one is that it needs to be a 5 metre carpet in order to fit the room without a seam) and underlay and schlepp it all down to the back yard ALL BY MYSELF! (humph)
But I did it! It was bloody hard work.  Made myself dizzy pulling the carpet out from under the bed and had to have a bit of a sit down, but I hoicked furniture with style, and may I say, even some elegance ;-)

I will take a photo once my luxurious new full size carpet is in place, so the full magnificence can be seen :-)

Belonging

We went to a Christening today.  My friend, Emma's little boy, Andrew James Surtees was baptised at St Mary's of Monkseaton, a wonderfully warm, welcoming church full of wardens who didn't make me feel uncomfortable even though Tom was less than perfectly behaved!!  It was a lovely occassion and it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to have been included, like I really belong here - which is not something I always feel. Not that anyone ever sets out to make me feel as if I don't belong here, but sometimes I just do.  I don't always get the references or understand local slang.  Sometimes I have to explain myself, my (admittedly odd!) accent, my choice of vocabulary.  So to be at the christening, and the do afterwards, amongst Emma's friends and family, felt really good (the food was top notch as well!!).  I spent some time with my friend Helen aftewards when we took the kids to a soft play to burn off some of their excess energy.  Helen , Emma and I met when our first children were about 6 months old, and we have been friends ever since.  Spending some time with Helen helped to cement that burgeoning feeling of well being, even though she is going through a divorce at the moment so the conversation was not exactly joyful.  We talked serious stuff but we also just chatted, it felt good.  I am so grateful for good friends.

A boring one... about diabetes and pumps

I have been struggling, the last two and half years, to get some sort of control over my diabetes.  I have, however, failed miserably.  I hasten to add that it hasn't been through lack of trying:  I have checked my sugar levels 4 to 6 times a day; I  have weighed my carbohydrates and used my calculator to work out carbohydrate portions and corresponding insulin units (different, depending on time of day, whether any exercise is planned, whether alcohol will be consumed); I have adjusted my insulin ratio on analysis of my diabetes diary.  I have read books, searched the Internet and followed up on bits of information my mom has told me about.  All to no avail. I have systematically failed to get my my *HbA1C under 8% in all this time.
  
     * In the blood stream are the red blood cells, which are made of a molecule, haemoglobin. Glucose   sticks  to the haemoglobin to make a 'glycosylated haemoglobin' molecule, called haemoglobin A1C or HbA1C. The more glucose in the blood, the more haemoglobin A1C or HbA1C will be present in the blood.
Red cells live for 8 -12 weeks before they are replaced. By measuring the HbA1C it can tell you how high your blood glucose has been on average over the last 8-12 weeks. A normal non-diabetic HbA1C is 3.5-5.5%.


My diabetic team are happy if I can keep my HbA under 7%, but it has been hanging around between 8.6% and 9.4% for the last long while.  You may not think being a couple of percentage points out should make too much of a difference, but it does.  Research has shown that diabetics who have regular HbA's over 7%, over a long period of time are statistically much more likely to suffer from the consequences of diabetes than those who manage good control.  Consequences like  (... and this is not an exhaustive list!!!)

• Type 1 diabetes reduces the normal life span by an average of five to eight years.
• Heart attacks account for 60% and strokes for 25% of deaths in all diabetics.
• Kidney disease (nephropathy) is a very serious complication of diabetes
• Diabetes reduces or distorts nerve function causing a condition called neuropathy. It particularly affects sensation.
• Diabetes accounts for 12,000 to 24,000 of new cases of blindness annually and is the leading cause of new cases of blindness in adults ages 20 to 74. The most common eye disorder in diabetes is retinopathy. People with diabetes are also at higher risk for developing cataracts and certain types of glaucoma
• Respiratory Infections. People with diabetes face a higher risk for influenza and its complications, including pneumonia
• Women with diabetes face a significantly higher risk for urinary tract infections, which are likely to be more complicated and difficult to treat than in the general population
• Diabetes doubles the risk for depression
• Diabetes changes bone quality and density
• Effect on Estrogen. Diabetes appears to blunt some of the effects of estrogen, which may increase the risk for heart disease. Women with diabetes have a higher risk for early menopause, which, in one study, occurred at an average age of about 41 years.

 And so you can see why after two and a half years of poor control, I have been becoming increasingly stressed and worried.  Anyway!  About 6 months ago the diabetic specialist nurse I was seeing at the time, the lovely Karen Jones picked up on my fear and desperation (the sobbing may have been a clue!), and suggested I may be suitable for an insulin pump.  When she first talked to me about it, I was filled with a mixture of hope and dread.  A butterfly wing flutter of optimism, but beset by a new set of worries - was this the end of the line?  had I exhausted all other options?  If this did not work, was there nothing else for me to try?   And then, when I had worried myself sick with that, I started thinking about the daily practicalities of living with an insulin pump.  I didn't know a lot, but I did know that it was a 24 hours a day 7 days a week thing.  I will be honest, my worries were mostly ones of vanity!  I knew that you needed a pocket or a waistband to wear the pump and was sure it meant I could never wear a slinky dress again!

So that brings you up to date, and now the reason I've been telling you all of this!  On wednesday I had an appointment with a dietician from the pump team.  The aim of the appointment was to provide me with more information and to do a final assessment  to make sure that I was a suitable candidate for insulin pump therapy.  Erin Pringle, the dietician, was very informative, very calming and very kind.  Apparently you can get a holster to put the pump in, which you can then wear wherever you like - so slinky dresses are no problem.  Also the pump that I selected comes with a remote control, so can you dial up your extra food related insulin without having to fiddle around under your clothes, and the remote control is also your blood glucose meter.  You can take it off, for example, to go swimming, but for no longer than an hour at a time.

 A diabetic on more traditional insulin regimes has a long acting insulin that is in their body 24 hours a day, this can either be once daily injection or a twice daily injection to provide your body with a background insulin irrespective of whether or not you eat.  Then you have quicker acting insulins which you use to cover any food and drink you consume. So for me, at the moment, I have 2 long acting (Levemir) injections, when I wake and when I go to bed, and 3 quick acting (humalog) to cover my 3 meals,and then additional injections for snacks.  As you can imagine, I have started to run out of injection sites!

With insulin pump therapy you only have one type of insulin, the quick acting, which the pump drips into your body continually.  This is much closer to what a working pancreas does.  You can program the pump to drip more or less at various times of day when you identify what your body's requirements are. You then give yourself some more when you eat (once you have worked out how much by calculating your carbohydrate consumption, and your insulin ratio).  This clever machine can also be programmed to release the additional insulin in different ways depending on what time of carbohydrate you have eaten.  In theory all of this means that you have the potential for much greater control.  It does require a lot of work on behalf of the pump user, in identifying what your body needs and how it responds to different kinds of food, exercise, alcohol, stress, heat, cold.  Becasue you don't have the long acting insulin in your body 24 hours a day anymore, it leaves you more susceptible to diabetic ketoacidosis (makes you very poorly indeed, hospital visit required), hence the reason you can't have it off for more than an hour.   

The upshot of my appointment is that Erin thinks I do fit the criteria, and I think that it is something I could and would be able to do.  It is going to be a little while yet, but do watch this space.... 

Happy Times

We have been working on our house for a loooong time, 6 years and 4 months to be precise.  Now I know it's not there yet (not by a long way) and we still have an inordinate amount to do, but it just looks so damn pretty at the moment!  I spent the day in the back yard doing loads of cleaning and clearing out - a long awaited sorting as Steve completed his shed and moved all his tools back in.  Having spent all day busy busy hot and sweaty, I went for a shower and when I was coming downstairs Steve commented that we were 'getting there' with the house, and how different it is now from what it looked like when we bought it.  He suggested I go out the front and have a look.  I went out in the beautiful afternoon light  and looked at our house in the dappled sunshine.  Wow!  It took my breath away, I just loved it!  And so I thought I would blog it, to remind myself of that happiness, when the interior of the house gets me down ;-) 

Rugby Days

As I wrote earlier, Sam went to his first ever rugby practice on Sunday.  You may wonder why, in a country so footbal mad, he is playing rugby.  When we were on holiday in South Africa in April this year we had a week in Balito.  Because Sam was struck down with chickenpox 2 days before we were due to go there we realised that we would notbe able to do much but play on the beach, so we stocked up on games and boards and included with this lot was a rugby ball.  Steve and Sam played rugby on the beach and I noticed that he seemed much more capable with a rugby ball than with a football. 

 He has often had a go at football,  but he doesn't seem to have an affinity for it and gets frustrated very quickly.  When we got home I spoke to my friend, Karen, because I knew that her son played at a rugby club.  She told me all about it and soon I was online checking it out http://percyparkminis.co.uk/ .  Sam seemed interested and both Steve and I were keen on him getting involved in a team sport, and we also saw it as a great opportunity for Steve and Sam to have some quality dad and son time.  So although all through the summer Sam talked it up and was excited, when it came to the first session on sunday he got a serious attack of the nerves.  He was persuaded and cajoled (and even bribed!) andin the end he went.  Steve said that when they got there Sam was apprehensive and told the Reuben (the guy in charge) that he was only there to watch!! Which he did - apparently it took about 10 minutes before the sight of all these kids charging about convinced him that it was actually fun.  And by all accounts (his and his Dads!) he acquitted himself well, and was even last man standing in a game of british bulldogs!  I am just so stupidly pleased.  I can't help but think how pleased my dad would be.  My dad loved sport generally, rugby in particular and was passionate about his club Berea Rovers College Rovers as it is now http://www.kznrugby.co.za/historycrovers.html .
 
He gave Sam a Rovers rubgy shirt for his naming day present, and I know he would've been as proud of my boy as I am.

Back at school

Today was Sam's first day at school after a loooong 6 week summer holiday.  The morning started well, he was nervous, but aren't most of us when heading into the unknown?  He coped well though - he was smartly dressed quickly, without even being asked; ate his breakfast without (too much!) daydreaming; teeth brushed, face washed and shoes on, no arguing!!!  Even Tom was well behaved - and you gotta know that doesn't happen that often ;-) 
It was just such a lovely start to the school year, long may it continue!

It was only on thursday that I really reaped the blessed benefits of back to school because Tom was back at Rainbows from 9 till 1!!  It was such a great morning.  My friend Karen and I had decided that we would start walking 2 mornings a week in an effort to get fit and lose weight, and so thursday we began.  It was great, it was an absolutely perfect Whitley Bay morning,  it was warm, with a slight breeze and the sea looked gorgeous.  We chatted as we walked briskly (I was out of puff quite soon - sooo unfit!), and ended up in Tynemouth.  We had a coffee, no cake - well this time anyway ;-) and browsed the most wonderful shop, Raspberry Bazaar (good thing I didn't take my purse with!).  I got home hot and sweaty, but really energised and got loads done in the remaining 2 hours before I had to pick up Hurricane Tom.  I really, really hope that we can keep up it up! 

Tom's birthday

My baby turned 3.  He didn't know it at first (he was fast asleep between Steve and I), Sam came bounding in at 7:01am, slipped into bed next to me and said in a loud whisper 'can Tom open his presents now?'
I responded with a 'NO!  He is still asleep' 
'ahhhh' 
'close your eyes Sam, let me get another 15 minutes sleep' 
'ok' - wriggle, prod Tom, fidget sigh -
'is it 15 minutes yet?'
'arghhhhhhhh!!!'
Tom woke up.  We all moved and shifted and turned, and sat up plopping a large bag filled with presents on the bed.  Sam took charge, handed Tom his presents and helped him to open the tricky ones

The gift that he was most excited about was his shopping trolley filled with play food

The boys and I went downstairs and then began a frantic attempt to get the house sorted before Grandma and Grandad arrived.  Breakfast, wash and dress the children.  Breakfast shower and dress myself.  Get call from Steve in the bedroom - 'why didn't you wake me up (it was 10am) I have to get Sam to Percy Park (first rugby practice, ever) by half past 10!'  Aieeeee!  Sam doesn't want to learn to play rugby anymore.  Drags his feet.  Hides in his bed.  Is told he is just feeling a bit nervous and only has to watch and see what he thinks.  Decides the promise of a drink of pepsi after practice might be worth going to check it out.  They head out living Tom and I to it. Clean the bathroom (tom watches telly).  Clean the kitchen (Tom wrecks bathroom).  Check the living room clean has held up through yesterday afternoon and this morning (no).  Hoover living room (Tom wrecks kitchen).  Fail to make it to Morrisons to buy the birthday lunch Tom has requested.  Grandma and Grandad arrive to Tom's immense pleasure.  Leave boy child with grandparents and tear to the shop.  Get back with yummies to suit all disparate tastes.  Find all my menfolk in situ, returned from rugby having had (pardon the pun) a ball.  Lay the table, put out food, call everyone in, sit down and... phew!!  Sit down myself!

Grandma and Grandad had to leave early because they had to get home to get all their packing done for their trip to America on the 8th, but they held off leaving to see eldest grandson Daniel arriving.  This was all coming up for about 4pm which had me a bit panicky because we were meant to be at The Treehouse for the party starting at 4pm!  As it turned out we were the last to arrive at ten past 4, but it was okay because all the guest were children of my friends and neighbours who understood my garbled explanations and apologies!  In summary the kids had an absolute blast - all the different ages (from 1 through to 8) playing happily together - even if they all had a slightly different understanding of the rules, there was a fair amount of Mornington Crescent going on!!!  Birthday tea was chips and a choice of chicken nuggets, fish fingers or hotdog, followed by ice cream, which seemed to be enjoyed by all.

Then it was 5:30 and time to go home and unwrap his pile of wonderful presents from our lovely, generous friends.  Tom was a bit overwhelmed at times and just wanted to sit and play with a present once it was opened - hard to do when you have an eager older brother (that's Sam of course, for those of you who see the picture and get confused...) who is very keen to see what you've got that he can have a go with!!!

Baby Baby

... where has my baby gone?

Tomorrow Tom turns three.  I cannot believe that 3 years have passed since I cradled my youngest boy in my arms and wept with joy and relief... and terror.  Time has just hurtled by and I feel a bit like in the cartoons, when someone whizzes past someone really fast and the person left behind spins around and falls over.  If that makes sense.  The relief I felt was that I wasn't pregnant anymore - I remember when I had Sam, the doctor said "congratulations, you're not pregnant anymore", cracked me up!   The years have been filled with the joy that those first moments promised, and as my two boys get bigger, the premonition of terror has also come true!!  Sometimes I listen to my lads playing together and it is so wonderful, the imagination and camaraderie and the giggles, god I love the giggles!!  But it is so fleeting and so precious, because sooner or later (usually sooner) they will come to blows and the screams and cries of  "MOM"  will desecrate the glorious  halcyon moments.  But anyway, presents are wrapped, cards are made and writtten in, puppy dog cake is iced...

... I am quite pleased with him, but bejasus did it take some time to do!!!  Biggest brother is due sometime tomorrow, and grandma and grandad are coming as well.  Tom has chosen to have a birthday lunch of salami, cucumber and crisps (!) and then we are off to The Treehouse for softplay and chicken nuggets and chips with a group of friends, should be fun!