While I was in South Africa, Steve, Sam and Tom kept a daily journal for me. It was amazing to come home and read it, I treasure it , and I wanted to record it here for keeps. So here it is, word for word, spelling for spelling!
Day 1 - Saturday 15th January
Dad
Left the airport after dropping off mummy's meter, and went to MacDonald's (which we called maci-do-dos) for lunch. Tom had 3 fish fingers and chips, Sam had a burger and chips, and both ate ALL their lunch - brilliant!
Then we went to Tescos to buy this journal and some sweets for good boys who eat their lunch.
Sam
tonight we had a picnic tea because we had a macdonulds we eat it all up so we got sweets and shortbred.
Tom
Sam and me played nicely in my room with duplo and lego men and toy helicopters. Our toy from Maci-do-dos was scooby doo snowboard.
Day 2 -Sunday 16th January
Tom
I slept all the way through the night like a big boy and when I woke up I played on my own.
Sam
I went to rugby and I scord a try and got 2 tags. also we found out braydey is 35 he is actaly 5 but a dogs birfday is 7 of ors. thats all
Dad
A long day! Sam was brilliant at rugby and Tom played nicely with a boy called Cory, playing football and going through tunnels and also cheering Sam. Boys played nicely together with Imaginext in the afternoon and they ate all their lunch (another picnic) and tea (chili con carne). Went to bed no fuss - now, Match of the Day!!
Day 3 - Monday 17th January
Tom
Slept all night in my own bed again! Could not find my brand new digger shoes to go to Rainbows. After lunch me and Dad went to the barber's shop to have our hair cut. After we got Sam, we went to the chip shop and I put on my own shoes and coat!
Sam
went to school made a luner iclips had fish and chips. nofing els really.
Dad
8:30pm both boys in bed and asleep. Washing just finishing, packed lunches done; next to find Tom's shoes! Not a bad day, and especially worth it when I pinched mum's cuddle when I went to pick Tom up. Lady at the barbers said she had never seen a 3 year old so well behaved (he insisted on having his hair cut so that he could get a lollipop). Sam was a bit of sad after the skype call, so we abandoned TV and headed to his room to read "The Clumsies" and he seemed ok when I left him.
Right - now for the xxxxing shoes!
10:25pm - Finally! They were, of course, in Sam's yellow Bookstart bag (at the bottom under 2 books and an imaginext plane) that was itself under the bean bag in Sam's room.
Simples!
Day 4 - Tuesday 18th January
Tom
I hurt myself in the school playground because I slipped with my hands in my pockets. I hurt my knees and my face. At Rainbows I made a colouring box for my crayons. Me and Dad watched "The Aristocats" this afternoon.
Sam
When I went to Mark's we played with stawarse played on club penguin had a biger for tea. Sam PS
Dad
Tom was very tired tonight and went straight to sleep - Karen and I had a natter over a cup of tea about rugby when she bought Sam back, other than that, a quiet day.
Day 5 - Wednesday 19th January
Dad
Good start to the day - leaking pipe under the sink (where mains cold water comes in) oh dear! Followed later by discovering that nobody takes liability for valuables in case - so no cover for my lost camera. Oh dearX2!
Sam
I had a boring day at school nothing realy. Sam PS.
Tom
Slept through all night again in my own bed. I maked mash potato for tea. I got a new peppa pig book and I "yove" it.
Dad
Plumber came and tightened a nut and all now seems ok. Perry the Platypus ordered from e-bay (after consultation with Sam on which one was required). Off to bed - a very long day!
Day 6 - Thursday 20th January
Tom
Grandma and Grandad came and I won against Grandad playing "Ten Green Bottles". I ate all my tea of dumplings and mince.
Sam
Nofing realy to tell you aboute.
Dad
Also nofing to tell you about - Mum made a fantastic mince and dumplings and then read with Sam whilst Tom had a bath.
Note: Do not go shopping at Morrisons on a school day between 3:45pm and 4:15pm - car park is used by mums to pick up from Marden Middle School and it is HEAVING!!
Day 7 - Friday 21st January
Tom
I didn't go to Rainbows today , but I went to shoe poundstretcher with Grandma and Grandad and I got a stamp book. And nothing else.
Sam
Chierd up Jamie and got a tonka toy made pankaks.
Dad
Tom broke the (fluorescent) light switch in our room - but I fixed it and the light in the utility room!
Today, Matthew, I am an electrician!
Oh, and I made chicken chasseue with jacket potatoes fore tea - as a chef, I make a very good electrician!
Day 8 - Saturday 22nd January
Tom
Got a tractor with logs with it because I have been sleeping through the night for a whole week! For lunch Grandma made a "fry up". Talked to mummy on the computer - I miss my mummy.
Sam
Grandma made me a toy story alien then they left. I felt happy when I spoke you wish you could be hier Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dad
Got a bit (9:30) of a lie in this morning then took Sam swimming (he did very well) and Tom to get his tonka car which evolved into a tractor! Fantastic to talk to you on skype, then fish and chips for tea. Now Match of the Day - not a bad day at all!
Day 9 - Sunday 23rd January
Sam
Went to rugby played roklif away had chily conkony and pateto wegas and I saved this til the end I got Perry!
Tom
Daddy put my stick in the bin because I was naughty. I had a sausage sandwich and a fruit shoot and I was very cold.
Dad
Rugby was a bit unlike I expected - kids were cold because they were not all playing and Rockcliffe were much bettter. Sam had a shower to warm up and then wolfed down a steak pie! Tom was very tired tonight - don't really know why - and was very quickly asleep. Sam was very happy with Perry!`
Day 10 - Monday 24th January
Tom
Went to Rainbows, built a train track with Joey and William, went to Morrisons and ate all my tea, Goodnight.
Sam
Got a hed techer award for eksalens Got a gold award for good work in sience
Dad
Tom woke during last night about 4:45am, complaining of "spiders in his bed". Other than that, a good day - Sam did really well at school (2 awards) with his reading and his spelling. Tom went straight to bed and to sleep and everything was tidied, washed and put away by 9:00pm. Why aren't all days like this?
Day 11 - Tuesday 25th January
Tom
I drew a picture of a car and Perry and took it to nursery and gave it to Mrs Ford Bateman who is going to put it up for me to see tomorrow. Then after Rainbows I went with Dad to the tip and B& Q. We had pizza for our tea.
Sam
Played with Perry Went to Marcs house returned Perry had gone some were Sam ps
Dad
Tom was very reluctant to go to Rainbows this morning - he wanted to go to school instead - and could only be pacified by a promise of going on the "pick -up" run at 11:30. Then the back gate lock stuck, so had to spend £40 replacing the lock and key! But Sam behaved himself at Karen's and Shameless is due in 5 minutes - so lets call today a draw!
Day 12 - Wednesday 26th January
Tom I went to nursery this afternoon and painted a picture of a forest with a stream with a fire with some men in the woods and they forgot to do the fire properly. Nothing else!
Sam
Tort Perry some triks. Had chocolat cake kit cat and chew its fruit salad ones to
Dad
Tom took to nursery "like a duck to water" according to Mrs Ford. Very tired at tea time though, and had a tantrum about his mince and pasta, but eventually ate it all up. Went to bed (at his own request!) at 6:50pm and was asleep by 7:10. Oops forgot Sam's spelling - must do tomorrow. Tanya is coming home!! Yes!!
Monday, 21 February 2011
Tom-ism
Tom makes me laugh. He had pins and needles in his foot, and not knowing that it was pins and needles, he told me he had a a "fizzy foot" :-)
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Beavers
Sam's been going to Beavers on Tuesday nights since September. It goes Beavers from ages 6 to 8 then they move up to Cubs and then they move up to Scouts, earning badges, going camping, and learning lots of things along the way. Both boys and girls are allowed to join, unlike Brownies where it is girls only. I offered to help where I could when Sam first joined, and was immediately co opted onto the Executive as the Beavers parents representative. This was because Steve is often away, and as it can be any night that it happens, I couldn't commit to helping out every week. But I did want to do some hands on stuff, so Sam could see me actively involved as I haven't really been able to get help out at his school very much... so I put my name down to help out once a month at the weekly meetings.
This Tuesday was my first time and I will admit that I was somewhat filled with trepidation. Whenever I have dropped Sam off or picked him up I am always hit by a wall of heat and noise, and after having had Sam, his friend Jamie and Tom all afternoon, it did fill me with a faint sense of dread to subject myself to a room full of 20 kids!!
But, it was good fun! I really enjoyed myself and am looking forward to my next help date - although not so much that I am going to do anything stupid, like offer to do it anymore often!!
This Tuesday was my first time and I will admit that I was somewhat filled with trepidation. Whenever I have dropped Sam off or picked him up I am always hit by a wall of heat and noise, and after having had Sam, his friend Jamie and Tom all afternoon, it did fill me with a faint sense of dread to subject myself to a room full of 20 kids!!
But, it was good fun! I really enjoyed myself and am looking forward to my next help date - although not so much that I am going to do anything stupid, like offer to do it anymore often!!
Sunday, 13 February 2011
I'm a big boy now.
Just before I went to South Africa I had a phone call from the nursery at Sam's school to say that they had some spaces available at the afternoon session nursery, if we would like Tom to start there - as soon as possible. My initial thought was "yes please!". But then I started to have some doubts.
Tom cannot wait to get there in the afternoon, singing "I'm going to nursery school" on the way there, and accelerating as we approach, racing off to the entrance. He seems very happy and has settled amazingly well. So, there we go!
- Tom would be the youngest child there.
- His exuberance is often quite overwhelming, and perhaps he needed another 9 months growing up before he was put in the position of a more formal educational set up.
- He would make friends with the children there but in September they would move up to Reception and he would have to spend another full year in nursery.
- He was very happy at Rainbows, was there any point in uprooting him.
- The structure of my week would change completely - from 3 four hour sessions a week he would be doing 5 three hour sessions. Which sounds like more time but in real terms is not.
Tom cannot wait to get there in the afternoon, singing "I'm going to nursery school" on the way there, and accelerating as we approach, racing off to the entrance. He seems very happy and has settled amazingly well. So, there we go!
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Durban - Cape Town - Heathrow - Newcastle
So Cape Town is, quite simply, beautiful. It is full of warm, friendly people and dominated by a backdrop of majestic mountains. It has a multiculturalism, grace and charm. My brother and his family live in a gorgeous house (in a street called Pleasant Place) in the southern suburb of Pinelands.
The layout of Pinelands was the first attempt at a town-planned area in South Africa. It was originally a Victorian farm named Uitvlugt that had thousands of pine trees planted in it and many of those pine trees are still there - the most amusing and wonderful aspect of them is how most of them grow at a distinct angle as they have been buffeted by the wind!
Mom and I were staying in a guest house just about across the road from Anton and Julie's house, and mom is staying there (hopefully) through to the end of March until she can move into her new (how exciting!) house. The guest house has got a big bedroom with chairs and a telly as well as a separate kitchen area and a small bathroom just off that. It is ideal really, because Mom is close to family (and also to all her plants in their garden!!) but still has her own space to retreat to!
I'm not going to go into the dreary job of house hunting. We saw lots of houses in Pinelands and Rondebosch. Mom liked some, hated others and loved the one that we put in an offer on. I cannot tell you what a weight it took off me that by the time I left, we had found a house. It took a few days after that for the negotiations to be complete, but it is sorted. Hurrah!
So having found a house we were free to enjoy a bit of sightseeing :-)
Julie had been doing a bit of research into the Malan family and had found out loads of interesting about our ancestry. It turns out that all the South African Malans are descended from one Jacques Malan who came to South Africa in 1688 as a teenager.
"The early history of the Malans is one of severe persecution and suffering because of their faith. The Malans originated in the valleys of Piedmont in the north-western region of the present Italy. According to a very old tradition the Gospel was brought to the inhabitants of Piedmont by St. Paul when he visited the area on his way to Spain. The Malans described themselves as Original Christians. They never accepted the authority of the Pope and were later, together with other believers, known as Vaudois or Waldenses. The name Malan was an abusive nickname given to these “heretics” by the followers of Rome. During the course of time this abusive name was accepted as an honorary title by the Malans.
Apparently ‘Les Malan de Mérindol,’ the branch of the family from which the South African and English Malans originate, fled to Mérindol on the Durance in Provence (Southern France) during the Great Persecution of 1112. The Malans became wealthy and were well known in Mérindol. The part of the town inhabited by them was known as ‘Quartier des MalanSince 1177 the Malans and other evangelical believers were referred to as Waldenses after Peter Waldo (Valdes or Vaudes), a merchant of Lyon who started a movement of lay preachers to proclaim the true gospel. The Waldenses were banned in 1184 by Pope Lucius but continued with their preaching. In 1215 an edict was issued against them whereby they had to be taken prisoner and their possessions confiscated…
In 1309, Pope Clement ordered attacks on the Waldenses in which many of their houses and villages were burnt down. The surviving Waldenses fled to the mountains. Laurent Malan, his wife and child, took shelter between steep cliffs of the Taillant where they were discovered by the soldiers. When they refused to deny their faith they were thrown down the cliff and fell to their death… Between 1380 and 1392, the pope condemned 230 Waldenses to the stake because of heresy. In 1440, Caesar Sigismund led a campaign against the Waldenses. Barthelemeni Malan was stabbed to death after he was captured and found praying. In his dying moments he confessed the name of the Lord Jesus…
After the Reformation, Protestant preachers such as Guillaume Farrell convinced the Waldenses that there were many similarities between their teachings and those of Luther and Calvin. Consequently, the Waldenses of France decided to join the Reformed Church in 1532. The printing of the first Protestant Bible in French was financed by the Waldenses of Provence.
The Waldenses did not live in peace for very long. In 1534 the parliament of Provence ordered them to give up their faith or leave the land. Natural disasters such as the flooding of the Durance, hail and failures of crops were ascribed to the beliefs of the Waldenses. After there had been no reaction to this order, the Decree of Mérindol was issued in 1540, which ordered the burning of 19 inhabitants of Mérindol at the stake, while the whole town was to be burnt and razed to the ground. This Decree was implemented in 1545, resulting in the destruction of 22 villages by 4000 soldiers. The majority of the Waldenses fled to their fellow believers in Piedmont but later returned to Provence. By 1560 Mérindol was again a Protestant stronghold.
The persecution in France flared up more vigorously against the Waldenses and was later extended to include all French Protestants, who became known as Huguenots. The Malans were part of the Huguenots, who suffered bloody persecution under the Roman Catholic Church – particularly after Louis XIV became king of France in 1661. Between 1681 and 1720, about 200 000 Huguenots fled from France – many of them to the Netherlands. Among them was also Jacques Malan, the progenitor of the South African Malans.”
Jacques was among a selected group of French Huguenots who were sent to the Dutch controlled colony in the Cape in 1688 – mainly as farmers to supply fresh produce to ships on their way to the East."
So anyway, history lesson over... Julie had arranged for us to spend the night in a guest house on the wine farm Bo le Motte, in Franschoek, which was the land that was originally granted to Jacques Malan. It was a wonderful trip and the cottage was beautiful, set amidst some stunning scenery.
At the Hugenot Memorial
Mom and I got some shopping in and did a bit of motoring about, but not a whole heap of sightseeing. We decided that it would be a good thing to buy a sat nav so that she would be able to find her way around easily, and she adapted very well to her TomTom and seemed fairly comfortable with it. So that was very good. Other than that I got to soak up some glorious sunshine and spend time with my gorgeous nephew who has a very amusing fascination with hair. He sort of nests with it, twirling his own hair, (or any on offer!) especially when he is tired and ready for bed. I also got to spend some time with my lovely sister in law, who I had never really had the chance to get to know before. Needless to say the night that we signed the offer on the house there was some drinking going on (we also had a visit from an old friend of mine, Andre) and Julie and I ended up talking away until about 2 in the morning, long after Andre had gone and mom and Anton had gone to bed. I did not feel very good the next morning and had to go back to sleep for a couple of hours after inadvisably leaping out of bed at 7:30 and going in the shower!! I did feel very fragile, but it was so nice to have had a chance to gossip and trade stories with Julie.
Wednesday the 26th was my Mom's birthday, which was a fairly low key affair. Anton, Mom and I went to an eco cafe for lunch which was lovelyy, and largely dominated by talk of the house, and all the possible outcomes. It was also the day I left Cape Town to return to my wonderful husband and beautiful boys, so it was a day of mixed emotions.
I did just love Cape Town, and even asked Steve what he would think about moving there! It's a bit European and a lot South African. It felt like somewhere I could live, and I thought how much my sons would love the different way of life they would have there.
The layout of Pinelands was the first attempt at a town-planned area in South Africa. It was originally a Victorian farm named Uitvlugt that had thousands of pine trees planted in it and many of those pine trees are still there - the most amusing and wonderful aspect of them is how most of them grow at a distinct angle as they have been buffeted by the wind!
Mom and I were staying in a guest house just about across the road from Anton and Julie's house, and mom is staying there (hopefully) through to the end of March until she can move into her new (how exciting!) house. The guest house has got a big bedroom with chairs and a telly as well as a separate kitchen area and a small bathroom just off that. It is ideal really, because Mom is close to family (and also to all her plants in their garden!!) but still has her own space to retreat to!
I'm not going to go into the dreary job of house hunting. We saw lots of houses in Pinelands and Rondebosch. Mom liked some, hated others and loved the one that we put in an offer on. I cannot tell you what a weight it took off me that by the time I left, we had found a house. It took a few days after that for the negotiations to be complete, but it is sorted. Hurrah!
Front aspect
Back garden with small plunge pool
Kitchen
So having found a house we were free to enjoy a bit of sightseeing :-)
Julie had been doing a bit of research into the Malan family and had found out loads of interesting about our ancestry. It turns out that all the South African Malans are descended from one Jacques Malan who came to South Africa in 1688 as a teenager.
"The early history of the Malans is one of severe persecution and suffering because of their faith. The Malans originated in the valleys of Piedmont in the north-western region of the present Italy. According to a very old tradition the Gospel was brought to the inhabitants of Piedmont by St. Paul when he visited the area on his way to Spain. The Malans described themselves as Original Christians. They never accepted the authority of the Pope and were later, together with other believers, known as Vaudois or Waldenses. The name Malan was an abusive nickname given to these “heretics” by the followers of Rome. During the course of time this abusive name was accepted as an honorary title by the Malans.
Apparently ‘Les Malan de Mérindol,’ the branch of the family from which the South African and English Malans originate, fled to Mérindol on the Durance in Provence (Southern France) during the Great Persecution of 1112. The Malans became wealthy and were well known in Mérindol. The part of the town inhabited by them was known as ‘Quartier des MalanSince 1177 the Malans and other evangelical believers were referred to as Waldenses after Peter Waldo (Valdes or Vaudes), a merchant of Lyon who started a movement of lay preachers to proclaim the true gospel. The Waldenses were banned in 1184 by Pope Lucius but continued with their preaching. In 1215 an edict was issued against them whereby they had to be taken prisoner and their possessions confiscated…
In 1309, Pope Clement ordered attacks on the Waldenses in which many of their houses and villages were burnt down. The surviving Waldenses fled to the mountains. Laurent Malan, his wife and child, took shelter between steep cliffs of the Taillant where they were discovered by the soldiers. When they refused to deny their faith they were thrown down the cliff and fell to their death… Between 1380 and 1392, the pope condemned 230 Waldenses to the stake because of heresy. In 1440, Caesar Sigismund led a campaign against the Waldenses. Barthelemeni Malan was stabbed to death after he was captured and found praying. In his dying moments he confessed the name of the Lord Jesus…
After the Reformation, Protestant preachers such as Guillaume Farrell convinced the Waldenses that there were many similarities between their teachings and those of Luther and Calvin. Consequently, the Waldenses of France decided to join the Reformed Church in 1532. The printing of the first Protestant Bible in French was financed by the Waldenses of Provence.
The Waldenses did not live in peace for very long. In 1534 the parliament of Provence ordered them to give up their faith or leave the land. Natural disasters such as the flooding of the Durance, hail and failures of crops were ascribed to the beliefs of the Waldenses. After there had been no reaction to this order, the Decree of Mérindol was issued in 1540, which ordered the burning of 19 inhabitants of Mérindol at the stake, while the whole town was to be burnt and razed to the ground. This Decree was implemented in 1545, resulting in the destruction of 22 villages by 4000 soldiers. The majority of the Waldenses fled to their fellow believers in Piedmont but later returned to Provence. By 1560 Mérindol was again a Protestant stronghold.
The persecution in France flared up more vigorously against the Waldenses and was later extended to include all French Protestants, who became known as Huguenots. The Malans were part of the Huguenots, who suffered bloody persecution under the Roman Catholic Church – particularly after Louis XIV became king of France in 1661. Between 1681 and 1720, about 200 000 Huguenots fled from France – many of them to the Netherlands. Among them was also Jacques Malan, the progenitor of the South African Malans.”
Jacques was among a selected group of French Huguenots who were sent to the Dutch controlled colony in the Cape in 1688 – mainly as farmers to supply fresh produce to ships on their way to the East."
So anyway, history lesson over... Julie had arranged for us to spend the night in a guest house on the wine farm Bo le Motte, in Franschoek, which was the land that was originally granted to Jacques Malan. It was a wonderful trip and the cottage was beautiful, set amidst some stunning scenery.
My little cutie nephew, James
Outside our accommodation, Orchard Cottage - surrounded by fruit trees
At the Hugenot Memorial
Mom and I got some shopping in and did a bit of motoring about, but not a whole heap of sightseeing. We decided that it would be a good thing to buy a sat nav so that she would be able to find her way around easily, and she adapted very well to her TomTom and seemed fairly comfortable with it. So that was very good. Other than that I got to soak up some glorious sunshine and spend time with my gorgeous nephew who has a very amusing fascination with hair. He sort of nests with it, twirling his own hair, (or any on offer!) especially when he is tired and ready for bed. I also got to spend some time with my lovely sister in law, who I had never really had the chance to get to know before. Needless to say the night that we signed the offer on the house there was some drinking going on (we also had a visit from an old friend of mine, Andre) and Julie and I ended up talking away until about 2 in the morning, long after Andre had gone and mom and Anton had gone to bed. I did not feel very good the next morning and had to go back to sleep for a couple of hours after inadvisably leaping out of bed at 7:30 and going in the shower!! I did feel very fragile, but it was so nice to have had a chance to gossip and trade stories with Julie.
Wednesday the 26th was my Mom's birthday, which was a fairly low key affair. Anton, Mom and I went to an eco cafe for lunch which was lovelyy, and largely dominated by talk of the house, and all the possible outcomes. It was also the day I left Cape Town to return to my wonderful husband and beautiful boys, so it was a day of mixed emotions.
I did just love Cape Town, and even asked Steve what he would think about moving there! It's a bit European and a lot South African. It felt like somewhere I could live, and I thought how much my sons would love the different way of life they would have there.
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Newcastle - Heathrow - Johannesburg - Durban
And so it was! Saturday the 15th of January arrived and my flight to Durban was booked. My boys were sad, but Steve and I had made allowances for that, and they left to take Sam for his swimming lesson at the same time as I my departure, which kind of glossed over my leaving. I was on the metro on the way to the airport, when I realised, with horror, that I had left my blood glucose monitor at home! Total nightmare. I had to call Steve and ask him to bring it to me at the airport because I had no time to turn around, go back, and then get to the airport on time, and I couldn't go without it. So my littles were subject to the terrible airport separation that we had tried to avoid. Tom had tears pouring down his little face, crying "take me with you mummy, don't leave me behind". Sam wouldn't even look at me, just kept his eyes fixed on the window while tears slipped soundlessly down his cheeks.
But life goes on, and it is not always all about your children. This was something I had to do for my mom and for me, so I kissed them, told them I loved them and walked away. The flights were uneventful, which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned! Watched some films, read some of my book (Shantaram - excellent read, beautifully written, highly recommended) tried to sleep and ate all the meals offered to me. I don't know why I always feel compelled to eat and drink everything given on flights, even when it is, frankly, gross! I've paid for it, I'm going to have it!!
Mom and Aunty Jill picked me up from the airport and we went straight to Rovers so that I could see the memorial bench for my dad. It was nice and I think it would have pleased him. I am very glad that I got the opportunity to see it in person.
We then whizzed off back to my Mom's, as she was hosting a small party to say goodbye to a number of friends and family. It all went off well and I think mom held it together admirably, even though it must have felt very strange to her to be gathering people together in order to say farewell. My friend Shelley was there as well and also spent Monday with me, which was wonderful as she was a great help, great company and also, I have no idea when we two shall meet again :-(
The removals guys arrived Tuesday morning, 9am, bright eyed and bushy tailed, eager to get to work... and that first day it was really manageable. There were only 3 packers so Mom and I could keep an eye on what was going on at just about every stage, making sure that the right things were being packed for storage, or packed for sending on to Anton, or not packed because it was going with us on the plane!! It was a rather complicated procedure, but it wasn't until Wednesday and 8 people turned up to pack, that things seemed to rather spiral out of our control. Which is not to say that they were not doing a good job, it was just that with that many people there was just no way that you could see what everyone was doing all the time. I think my mom found it a bit more stressful - the first day had lulled us into a false sense of security!! I also had to go and sort out a bank account for my mom's gardener's son. We had been putting money away for Plan (he is the same age as Sam) for his education, but with my Mom leaving the area we had to put the money in an account that David had access to, that he could add to if he had some spare money, but that would also earn them maximum interest. It was Aunty Jill to the rescue as my mom's car was picked up the day before, and so Aunty Jill drove David and I to the bank - and waited incredibly patiently as the business was done!!
Thursday was D-day. Departure day! The packers came and finished up (there was a lot to pack, Mom had decided to take everything as she didn't know what she would need, and when she said everything, she meant EVERYTHING! My dad's desk got wrapped up to be sent to me - hooray!! I had always told my dad how much I loved his old roll top desk and when my mom decided to move she said that I could have it - food for the soul!! It makes me so happy to think it will be in my house! We had to finish up cleaning the house, deal with the last little oddments and then the lady who had bought the house came to collect the keys. Neighbours and friends came to say their goodbyes and wish mom well. It was emotional and my heart went out to mom as her front door was closed, locked and the key pocketed by someone else. No turning back now.
But life goes on, and it is not always all about your children. This was something I had to do for my mom and for me, so I kissed them, told them I loved them and walked away. The flights were uneventful, which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned! Watched some films, read some of my book (Shantaram - excellent read, beautifully written, highly recommended) tried to sleep and ate all the meals offered to me. I don't know why I always feel compelled to eat and drink everything given on flights, even when it is, frankly, gross! I've paid for it, I'm going to have it!!
Mom and Aunty Jill picked me up from the airport and we went straight to Rovers so that I could see the memorial bench for my dad. It was nice and I think it would have pleased him. I am very glad that I got the opportunity to see it in person.
The view from the bench
We then whizzed off back to my Mom's, as she was hosting a small party to say goodbye to a number of friends and family. It all went off well and I think mom held it together admirably, even though it must have felt very strange to her to be gathering people together in order to say farewell. My friend Shelley was there as well and also spent Monday with me, which was wonderful as she was a great help, great company and also, I have no idea when we two shall meet again :-(
The removals guys arrived Tuesday morning, 9am, bright eyed and bushy tailed, eager to get to work... and that first day it was really manageable. There were only 3 packers so Mom and I could keep an eye on what was going on at just about every stage, making sure that the right things were being packed for storage, or packed for sending on to Anton, or not packed because it was going with us on the plane!! It was a rather complicated procedure, but it wasn't until Wednesday and 8 people turned up to pack, that things seemed to rather spiral out of our control. Which is not to say that they were not doing a good job, it was just that with that many people there was just no way that you could see what everyone was doing all the time. I think my mom found it a bit more stressful - the first day had lulled us into a false sense of security!! I also had to go and sort out a bank account for my mom's gardener's son. We had been putting money away for Plan (he is the same age as Sam) for his education, but with my Mom leaving the area we had to put the money in an account that David had access to, that he could add to if he had some spare money, but that would also earn them maximum interest. It was Aunty Jill to the rescue as my mom's car was picked up the day before, and so Aunty Jill drove David and I to the bank - and waited incredibly patiently as the business was done!!
Thursday was D-day. Departure day! The packers came and finished up (there was a lot to pack, Mom had decided to take everything as she didn't know what she would need, and when she said everything, she meant EVERYTHING! My dad's desk got wrapped up to be sent to me - hooray!! I had always told my dad how much I loved his old roll top desk and when my mom decided to move she said that I could have it - food for the soul!! It makes me so happy to think it will be in my house! We had to finish up cleaning the house, deal with the last little oddments and then the lady who had bought the house came to collect the keys. Neighbours and friends came to say their goodbyes and wish mom well. It was emotional and my heart went out to mom as her front door was closed, locked and the key pocketed by someone else. No turning back now.
Dad
9th January
The 4th of January was my Dad's birthday and was, as always, a hard day for me. I talked to the boys about why I was sad, and they decided that we should have a birthday cake with candles. Sam also decided that when he blew out the candle he would say "here's to you Grandpa", and also that he would wear his sharks tshirt because it would make Grandpa happy to see it, when he watched us celebrating his birthday.
This year my general upset is complicated by my Mom's imminent move to Cape Town. As the move comes closer I am more and more aware of how emotionally traumatic the packing up and moving on, is. My mom spoke to me a little while ago about my dad's ashes and about her wish to leave his ashes at a place called Stellawood Cemetary, where his family's ashes have been left. I was a bit freaked out by the conversation to be honest. When we were in Durban last year, and Lara and her family where there as well, we discussed the issue of Dad's ashes and pretty much agreed that that was what we should do, but we ran out of time and didn't get it organised before we had to leave. So I thought I was at peace with it. But talking to my mom, the thought of leaving him behind in Durban while the rest of family moved so far away, was really upsetting. Now I know that it is not him, that that which made him his inimitable self, is not in that box, that we keep our memories with us always. Nonetheless I was struggling with what we were going to do, although I knew I would do whatever my mom needed me to. She no longer wants to leave my dad's ashes at Stellawood
When I spoke to my mom today, talking about what we are going to do when I arrive (very soon!), about all the things that need doing. My mom commented "there are so many things to think about". It struck me as so bleak. So despairing. I thought of how massive a deal this is for her. How she is leaving her home of what, 45 years or thereabouts, and she is doing it on her own. My dad was the one sorted all these sorts of things, and there is SO much involved in this particular sort of thing, and I can only imagine how overwhelming all this must feel. I am so glad that I can be there to help her, in whatever way I can. So glad that my mom is able to pay for my flight, because there is no way I could have afforded to. So grateful that Steve is able to work from home for 2 weeks and take care of the boys. Grateful also that this trip will enable me to say goodbye to the place of my birth, my home town. Because it is very unlikely that I will ever go back there. This makes me rather melancholy. I had a generally happy childhood, I mean I have my pandora's box (with a lid firmly closed!), but I was mostly a normal kid with normal issues, and Pinetown is just wall to wall memories for me.
12 January
So the whole subject of my Dad's ashes is finally and happily settled, with the help of my best friend's mom, and friend of my mom, Jill Potter. My mom and Jill went and chose a nice bench (got to be concrete so that it is harder to steal and has no use as firewood!) and a black perspex plaque (can't be brass, it will be stolen!) and the memorial bench will be left at Rovers (http://rovers.co.za/) my dad's rugby club, under the scoreboard on the cricket field. The box containing his ashes will be buried next to the bench. And I am really, really happy with all of this. I love the idea of leaving the bench at Rovers and am also completely at peace with leaving his ashes buried there. I have realised that my upset was caused mostly by my reluctance to open the box, and not about leaving the box behind.
13 January
Sam said the following to me:
I'm not worried about the voices in my head anymore (what!!!!!!) because I don't think it is strange voices anymore, I think it is actually Grandpa talking to me.
Me:
Err, what does the voice say?
Sam:
It says my name in a really nice way.
Now I'm thinking - voices! what voices? how long has he been hearing voices in his head? does he actually hear voices? is it actually my voice he is hearing when he is in one of his little dream worlds? is he just trying to make me feel good?
and also ( a little tiny bit of me) wouldn't that be such a wondrous thing.
The 4th of January was my Dad's birthday and was, as always, a hard day for me. I talked to the boys about why I was sad, and they decided that we should have a birthday cake with candles. Sam also decided that when he blew out the candle he would say "here's to you Grandpa", and also that he would wear his sharks tshirt because it would make Grandpa happy to see it, when he watched us celebrating his birthday.
This year my general upset is complicated by my Mom's imminent move to Cape Town. As the move comes closer I am more and more aware of how emotionally traumatic the packing up and moving on, is. My mom spoke to me a little while ago about my dad's ashes and about her wish to leave his ashes at a place called Stellawood Cemetary, where his family's ashes have been left. I was a bit freaked out by the conversation to be honest. When we were in Durban last year, and Lara and her family where there as well, we discussed the issue of Dad's ashes and pretty much agreed that that was what we should do, but we ran out of time and didn't get it organised before we had to leave. So I thought I was at peace with it. But talking to my mom, the thought of leaving him behind in Durban while the rest of family moved so far away, was really upsetting. Now I know that it is not him, that that which made him his inimitable self, is not in that box, that we keep our memories with us always. Nonetheless I was struggling with what we were going to do, although I knew I would do whatever my mom needed me to. She no longer wants to leave my dad's ashes at Stellawood
When I spoke to my mom today, talking about what we are going to do when I arrive (very soon!), about all the things that need doing. My mom commented "there are so many things to think about". It struck me as so bleak. So despairing. I thought of how massive a deal this is for her. How she is leaving her home of what, 45 years or thereabouts, and she is doing it on her own. My dad was the one sorted all these sorts of things, and there is SO much involved in this particular sort of thing, and I can only imagine how overwhelming all this must feel. I am so glad that I can be there to help her, in whatever way I can. So glad that my mom is able to pay for my flight, because there is no way I could have afforded to. So grateful that Steve is able to work from home for 2 weeks and take care of the boys. Grateful also that this trip will enable me to say goodbye to the place of my birth, my home town. Because it is very unlikely that I will ever go back there. This makes me rather melancholy. I had a generally happy childhood, I mean I have my pandora's box (with a lid firmly closed!), but I was mostly a normal kid with normal issues, and Pinetown is just wall to wall memories for me.
12 January
So the whole subject of my Dad's ashes is finally and happily settled, with the help of my best friend's mom, and friend of my mom, Jill Potter. My mom and Jill went and chose a nice bench (got to be concrete so that it is harder to steal and has no use as firewood!) and a black perspex plaque (can't be brass, it will be stolen!) and the memorial bench will be left at Rovers (http://rovers.co.za/) my dad's rugby club, under the scoreboard on the cricket field. The box containing his ashes will be buried next to the bench. And I am really, really happy with all of this. I love the idea of leaving the bench at Rovers and am also completely at peace with leaving his ashes buried there. I have realised that my upset was caused mostly by my reluctance to open the box, and not about leaving the box behind.
13 January
Sam said the following to me:
I'm not worried about the voices in my head anymore (what!!!!!!) because I don't think it is strange voices anymore, I think it is actually Grandpa talking to me.
Me:
Err, what does the voice say?
Sam:
It says my name in a really nice way.
Now I'm thinking - voices! what voices? how long has he been hearing voices in his head? does he actually hear voices? is it actually my voice he is hearing when he is in one of his little dream worlds? is he just trying to make me feel good?
and also ( a little tiny bit of me) wouldn't that be such a wondrous thing.
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