What would life be without homegrown tomatoes?

We are at the end of the third week of back at school and I am crumbling under the weight of Sam's homework!  I was talking to a close friend, Karen, about it the other day as her daughter is in Sam's class.  I will be honest and 'fess up to having a real whinge about it, complaining that it was just too much to keep up, he's only 7 years old for goodness sake and whatever happened to having a childhood???!!!  Karen agreed with me, and added " and we're at home full time, can you imagine trying to keep up with it all if you also worked outside the home?".

I've been musing on it since, thinking about all the pressures, wondering if they are external pressures or if all my pressures come from within.  There is so much to keep on top of!  The house needs to be kept clean and tidy - such an innocent statement!  But my god the amount of work; manual, tedious, relentless work that it entails.  Floors; swept, washed, hoovered.  Surfaces; dusted, decluttered.  Toilets; brushed, bleached, wiped.  Baths and sinks; scrubbed, washed.  Cobwebs banished.  Ovens degreased.  Walls and doors washed.  Clothes scooped  up, washed, hung up, brought back in, folded, ironed, returned to wardrobes.  Beds made, toys picked up.  Oh and the garden, don't forget the garden!  Even if it is only postage sized, it still needs weeding and planting (cat poo picking up), mowing and pruning - tending!  And food - not just any old food of course, something that appeals to all different tastes and preferences (but remains healthy), recipes found, ingredients shopped for (even better, grow your own!), bought home, put away, chopped up, sliced, diced, boiled, mashed, roasted, baked , sauteed and placed on plates (only to be dismissed without even being tasted).  Plates and pots scraped and rinsed and put in dishwasher, cookers cleaned, work benches decrumbed and antibacced.  Keeping your marriage happy and hopeful, spending time together away from the kids.  Having family time.  Making sure you keep some time for yourself - a happy parent is a good parent!  Children washed, dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, bottom's wiped, manners and respect taught.  Junk food, telly and computer games discouraged.  5 a day of your fruit and vegetables, love of books, daily sport and outdoor play encouraged.  Homework!!!  Every week a spelling test, numeracy homework, school reading book, your own book, handwriting practice, times table practice, mini project and anything extra you would like to do....

I look at that list and think, is it any wonder I am anxious ALL of the time?  Worried that I am not doing it well enough, fast enough, thoroughly enough... Being a housewife is my job.  As thankless a job as it is, with a devastating lack of appreciation, it is what I chose to do when I decided to have children.  Reasoning that it is my job to raise my children, and if we are in the financial position where I don't have to work outside the home, then it is my moral duty to be the one who does all of these things for my children.  Nobody has as much invested in our two boys reaching their potential as Steve and I, and therefor nobody is going to work as hard at helping them achieve that potential, as us. 

And so that is why I do it.  That is why I do it as well as I possibly can.  That is why my standards are so high.  That is why "good enough" is not good enough.  That is why I am so knackered, stressed and worried all the time.  So these pressures are internal I guess.  Do I just keep wading on through it all, or does something have to give?  And if something has to give, which thing would it be?

Communication Skills

We got a form to fill in from Tom's nursery yesterday.  It was all about his communication and understanding skills, and they use what you tell them in conjunction with their own "Communication Toolbox - a box of toys and activities that early years staff use to support their observations about communication development and find out how your child can understand and use language".  Tom actually had the assessment done when he was about 2 and a half because of some concerns I had about his stuttering at the time - they said his understanding was at a 3 to 4 year old level and his communication skills were excellent... which is actually irrelevant to this story, but just made me proud (comes before a fall). 

Anyway, the form asked questions about how well he understood what was asked of him; wanted examples of things he might say; asked what frightened him; what he was especially good at or proud that he could do.  The last question was concerned with burgeoning independence - self dressing, feeding, that sort of thing and then it asked "what does your child find particularly difficult to do".  I had been involving Tom through all the questions and so directed this question at him.  He paused, looking thoughtful, as he does when giving your question due consideration, and then answered decisively,

"juggling"  

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediment

Steve and I went to the most wonderful wedding yesterday.  I don't think I have ever seen a couple so in love, it just seemed to shine from them when they looked at each other, as they talked about each other. (Chris, at our table said to his partner; you know, I think I love you , and then I look at these two and wonder if maybe I just like you!)   It was really all rather emotional - and I didn't even know the couple!

This wasn't for the photographer, it's just how they looked at each other

It was Steve's sort of godson, as in, he is god father to the other 2 kids and so a stand in godfather to Ben, who was our invatation to this truly whimsical marriage ceremony.  The bride and groom were atcually legally married the day before, butt they didn't count that as their "real" wedding, the do that we went to on Sunday afternoon was.  It was held at a place called Danby Castle on the Yorkshire Moors, which is not as grand as it sounds - but was perfect for this particular occassion.  We were very lucky in that my wonderful in laws once again came to our aide and came up to look after the kids and get them to school this morning, so that both Steve and I could attend and stay over.

Ben and Siggy did not have a traditional ceremony, they had written a story together that told an allegorical tale of their meeting -  of soul mates and living in darkness before they knew each other, which was very sweet and touching.  They had a Humanist Celebrant who read their story out and then at the appropriate place in the story bride and groom made their vows to each other, which, of course, they had written. 

Once that was done we all went into the marquee where we had a lovely tea party, with bone china cups, little sandwiches and cakes.  This was followed by some lovely speeches filled with emotion and tears - which was lightened by the groom's brother taking a prat fall off his seat! After that we all cleared out of the marquee so they could tidy it up for the evening do, but not before being directed to another room which had been laid out like a sweetie shop, pick and mix heaven, because, as the sign told us "Love is Sweet".

All of this was followed by a barbecue, which I was too full to take advantage of - I would have popped out of my dress, as I was having to suck my belly in as it was!  There was open mic session where guests played guitar and sang (including the bride - who, as I haven't mentioned before, looked absolutely stunning - radiant would not be too strong a word) followed by band who did an amazing job, and this was then followed by a disco. 

Another thing I haven't mentioned previously is that alcohol meandered it's way through this wedding like a river.  I drank a lot.  I drank a lot more than I have since I cannot remember when.  But even then, I started after all the others (planning to pace myself so that I would make it from 3pm till midnight and not embarrass myself (or himself) and didn't keep the pace of them either.  And yet, I was the only one who felt too rough (exceedingly rough, shakes and sweats kind of rough) to make it to breakfast the next morning!!  Blimey, I'm glad I don't live in Guisborough, I would be pickled!
Anyhow, there was drinking, dancing, talking, laughing and lots more dancing.  Absolutely wonderful night, I would do it again, even knowing how sick I would feel the next day (the drive home was HELL).

The loving couple seemed to love every minute of everything.  They spent their first night of wedded bliss in a tent in the ruins of the castle... quirky kids. 

FYI

We had our first ever encounter with head lice at the end of the Summer holidays.  Oh my, the words on their own "head lice"  are enough conjure up an image of dirty, bare footed urchins scratching at their scalps and spreading disease... now I KNOW that it's not like that.  Believe me, I am not one to tackle any new challenge without doing the research (what did I do before google?).  I know that it doesn't mean poor hygiene, I know it's no reflection on my maternal skills (such as they are), I know they don't breed on bed linen... but eeeeewwww!  They are gross - and that is not just me reverting to my teenage slang, if you look at one of these blighters under a microscope they are grotesque.  Just the word is enough to make me start to scratch, I'm scratching as I sit here and we have been clear for a week and a half.  It was only ever Sam that had them, but the whole family got treated  (that was a fun night in) even though you cannot prevent them (only discourage - any questions, I'm your woman!) and you are only supposed to treat where there is a live louse (oh my god makes my skin crawl) and the stuff is bloody expensive... but I was a like a woman possessed, combing this child's hair for hours "I'm sorry it hurts but you just have to put up with - would you rather have your head crawling with bugs, feeding on the blood in your brain" cruel, I know (child sobbing "no, no I don't want them, don't let suck all the blood out my brain") but sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.  Whoever coined that phrase had to have had children in mind.

Anyway, it's all clear - for now.

But we have a new tradition on a Sunday night, it's hair combing night as I sit like a mother monkey pawing through my children's hair, looking for those tell tale signs, always on the look out for the trademark scratch.  (although not all people with lice scratch, only those whose skin reacts to the bite - it's amazing the knowledge that motherhood brings...)

Two reasons

Today was a big day for two reasons, first of all my baby, my little Tom, turned 4.  Oh the excitement!  It was the first birthday that he has been old enough to properly anticipate and count down, and to lie in bed the night - before too excited to go sleep. 

It's that old thing; hasn't time flown, where have the years gone... and I really do struggle to come to terms with the fact that my baby...


5th of September 2007

... is now my boisterous, funny, affectionate, curious, sociable, talkative, stubborn four year old of many talents and many opinions.

5th of September 2011

Ahhh, yes, it's a different world of cakes now that Mum has discovered cake toppers on Ebay!!!

The second reason it was a big day is that it was the last day of holidays - diddlie diddlie diddlie dee as I dance an Irish jig in anticipation of life getting back to normal.  Of getting some time to myself, for myself.  Of having a clean house again - however fleeting that clean period may be!!

We have had a good summer holiday;  I've made an effort to stay in touch with Sam's friends and Tom's friends, as well as with my own friends (that's the only reason I am still sane!).  We've been to the park, the beach, museums, visited grandparents, visited friends and had friends visit us, had day trips and also had a good chunk of plain old playing out with the neighbourhood kids and a really nice amount of time when my boys played together beautifully (also a sizable chunk of trying to kill each other, but hey, holidays are over now, time to slip on those rose tinted spectacles).  Okay, so we may not have had the best weather, but it wasn't completely awful - at least not all the time, and bad weather gives you opportunity to read, watch films and play games.

All in all, I don't think we have an awful lot to complain about it!!