Stubborness: innate or learned behaviour?

Both of my sons have recently demonstrated the lengths they are prepared to go to and the sacrifices that they are willing to make in order to prove a point.  I wonder if this stubbornness is something that they were born with or if it is something they have learned through watching my behaviour. I admit that I am stubborn, if you ask Steve he may have a less nice synonym to describe this particular trait in me; pig-headed or obstinate for example.  It is something that sometimes I feel proud of, and at other times, ashamed.  It will make me fight for my rights, for my children.  But it also makes it very hard for me to admit when I am wrong and to allow me to say sorry.  I have tried in many ways to ensure that all my inadequacies, weaknesses and fears are not passed on to my children through them witnessing my behaviours, so for example, I have tried bloody hard to not show my fear of creepy crawlies, especially spiders: 'oh look'  I have been heard to say  'a Mr Skinny Legs, gosh isn't he a big one?' with nary a quaver to my voice (although my palms are sweaty and my heart is pounding)!  These instances where I have tried to disguise my fears for the sake of my kids have had a wonderful side effect, being that I am MUCH less afraid of spiders than I used to be, and am also more confident and less shy than I used to be.  Makes me think of  a song:

Whenever I feel afraid

I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
I'm afraid.


While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows
I'm afraid.


The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!


I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.


Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are...

So, back to my children!  Last night after Tom had had his bath and was getting ready for bed, I told Sam it was Tom's turn to have some telly on, and suggested that he go and hop in the shower, and when he was done, Tom would be finished watching telly and be in bed, having stories.  Which would mean that he could play Super Mario Galaxy 2 on the wii with his dad, and once 8pm rolled around I would be finished with Tom  and I would read the last few chapters of The Faraway Tree to him.  It sounded a good plan to me, but not to stubborn child, the elder.  'I don't want to have a shower' he insisted.  'You have to have a shower or a bath, just hop in, get clean, get out'  I replied in an even voice, not realising at this point where it was all heading.  'well I don't want to have a bath, I am going to bed!'  Which he did.  I was surprised and somewhat bewildered (where had this come from? I hadn't seen it building!) and went up to his darkened room where he was huddled naked under his covers, deep, angry frown lines furrowed between his lovely blue eyes.  I asked if he knew what he was doing.  I explained cutting off your nose to spite your face.  At the end I asked 'is this refusal to have a shower worth all the good stuff you will lose out on?'  And he said 'yes', and that was that, end of story.  He was adamant.

Today, after I had taken the boys swimming, we were late getting home and I realised that my plan of sausages and potato wedges for tea was going to take too long.  So I suggested chips from the chippy as a special treat, Sam reminded me that Daddy had taken them to McDonald's for their lunch and so they had already had chips today.  Hmmm, problem.  So I said that if they were willing to try a small piece of tomato and a sliver of lettuce, they could still have sausage and chips for tea, plus cucumber which they both love.  The deal was done, we came home, Steve went to the chippy, I cooked sausage and prepared the salad.  Sam was first up and declared the lettuce 'okay' and the tomato 'disgusting', fair enough, he had done as I asked.  Stubborn child, the younger, up next.  He flatly refused to try either.  He would not be cajoled or bribed into even licking them.  I explained again and again that he just had to try a tiny bit of something new,and he would, in return, have chips on his plate.  No deal, not even the slightest amount of give.  I was astounded as I had been so sure that he would try at least one - this is the little boy who ADORES chips, chips make his little world go round (along with salami, cucumber, marmite on rice cakes, sausages, apples, crisps and sweets - these are all he eats, but chips and sweets are at the top!).  So the crux of the matter is, he had no chips!  He would not give in, and I certainly couldn't!  He ate cucumber, sausage and a half a bread bun (he sent back the first half  because Daddy did not know that he has also eradicated butter from his diet), and that was that.

Did they inherit this obstinacy from me, or did they learn it from me?  Probably it doesn't even matter.  I suppose at this point it is up to me to try and teach them the things I still haven't learned - to use their stubbornness for good and not for evil!!!!